Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts

Saturday, March 23, 2013

GOOD DAY! Trapped in a Love Triangle with Patcharin Thanakorn and Patricia Oliveira

The internet scam industry is alive and well. So is loneliness. Here's the moderately-boring result of my loneliness and somebody's scam colliding!

-----Original Message-----
From: Gladys Lituma Aguero glituma@inen.sld.pe
Subject: GOOD DAY

I am Mrs. Patricia Oliveira, I have Charity assignment on physically challenged persons and orphanage. get back for more details if interested.

* * * * *
Hi Patricia, thanks for contacting me. You have found the right person for this charity assignment--I have spent most of my life working with physically challenged persons and orphanage, and I am always looking for the next opportunity!

I am sad to inform you that I have been scammed before by people trying to take advantage of my charity assignment-loving nature, but I feel good about this opportunity. I can tell that you have a good heart. I had an uncle named Patricia, and an aunt named Gladys.
Could you please send me some more details so we can get started on our god-given mission?
GOOD DAY!!!
Trent X Sandusky
* * * * *
From: "MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN OFFICE-THAILAND" remittance-manager@live.com

Subject: RE: GOOD DAY

WE WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR FUND($$450,000)OR NOT.

* * * * *

[NOTE: I had no idea what might have happened to Patricia or her alter-ego Gladys at this point; I could only assume they had all been violently murdered by Mister Patcharin. My instincts told me to roll with the new direction the case had taken.]

Dearest Mister Patcharin,

How are you? How are your wife and children? I am sad to inform you that I have NOT recieved my funds of $450,000 yet, which is a deep concern to me because my XBox Live Gold Membership recently expired, and $450,000 would go a long way to help me renew it. I know $450,000 is not a big deal to most Americans, but for me it would help out greatly. Please advise what I must do to collect the funds.
Thanks bonerman!
Trent X Sandusky
* * * * *

From: "MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN OFFICE-THAILAND" remittance-manager@live.com

Subject: RE: GOOD DAY

TOYOTA CAR LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS THAILAND,
CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT TOYOTA
MOTOR CORPORATIONS, THAILAND. 92/4
SATHON NUA RD. FL 17 SATHORN THANI 2
BLDG SILOM, BANG RAK, SILOM,
BANGKOK 10500, THAILAND.
Customer Service Department.

ATTENTION: TRENT X SANDUSKY,
I AM MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN THE NEW REMITTANCE MANAGER OF TOYOTA MOTORS CORPORATION LTD(THAILAND), AND CONTACTING TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR WINNING FUND OF (US$450,000.00) HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR IMMEDIATE TRANSFER TO YOU IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT..
YOU ARE ADVICE TO PROCEED WITH THIS FORM BELOW BY FILLING IT AND SEND IT BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY FOR REFERENCE IN YOUR FILE. NOTE. THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY MISTAKE IN OTHER NOT TO ATTRACT CANCELLATION..
Beneficiary name----------------------------
Address--------------------------------
Telephone-----------------------------
Occupation.......................
Country......................
Sex...........................
APPROVAL FOR PAYMENT. THIS FORM IS TO ENABLE US HAVE A COMPREHENSIVE INFORMATION ABOUT THE PRIZE WINNER.FILL IT AND SEND IT BACK TO US FOR YOUR DOCUMENTS OF CLAIM.
NOTE THAT EVERY NECESSARY DOCUMENTATIONS AND PAPER WORKS HAS BEEN PROCESSED IN YOUR FAVOR, AND WE NOW WAITS FOR YOUR EMAIL AND INFORMATION TO ENABLE THE BANK TO TRANSFER YOUR WINNING FUND TO YOU. WE VOW PROMISE AND ASSURE YOU THAT UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL RESPONSE AND DETAILED TRANSFER INFORMATION, THE BANK SHALL PROCEED WITH THE IMMEDIATE TRANSFER OF YOUR WINNING FUNDS WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.
NOTE: ALL PRIZE WINNERS ARE TO CLAIM THEIR PRIZE ON OR BEFORE THE 30TH OF OCTOBER 2012.
ANTICIPATING YOUR IMMEDIATE ACTION AND RESPONSE
REMITTANCE MANAGER
MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN
PHONE CONTACT: +66800728539
TOYOTA MOTORS CORPORATION LTD.
www.Toyota.co.th
(Co-ordinator on fund remittance and international Transfer).

* * * * *
Woah woah woah. I'm starting to see some red flags here... I don't really mind the fact that you first e-mailed me from Citibank Customer Service and you are now e-mailing me from TOYOTA CAR LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS... I get that. I know small businesses change their names all the time. What I'm worried about is the fact that you used the word "advice" instead of the correct form "advised" in the phrase "you are advice [sic] to proceed...". Can you please send me some sort of reassurance that you are not a scammer?

Anyway, nevermind all that, I would hate to delay my funds from being transferred as I am dying of several bone diseases and need the money to pay the electric bills for my breathing and heart machines for another month. Worst of all, I still need my XBox Live Gold membership renewed. The information you've requested is below. Thanks!
Beneficiary name: TRENTWARD XAVIER SANDUSKY
Address: P.O. BOX 900, LOS ANGELES, CA, 90212, UNITED STATES
Telephone: 1-857-288-3500
Occupation: Unemployed
Country: United States of America
Sex: YES PLEASE!!! LOL!!! JK I am MALE.
Trent X Sandusky
* * * * *

From: "MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN OFFICE-THAILAND" remittance-manager@live.com

Subject: RE: GOOD DAY

TOYOTA CAR LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS THAILAND,
CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT
TOYOTA MOTOR CORPORATIONS, THAILAND. 92/4
SATHON NUA RD. FL 17 SATHORN THANI 2
BLDG SILOM, BANG RAK, SILOM,
BANGKOK 10500, THAILAND.
Customer Service Department.

ATTENTION:TRENTWARD XAVIER SANDUSKY,
MR. EARL AMBY HAS SEND YOU $5,000,00. IN YOUR NAME TODAY.
WE GLAD TO INFORM YOU THAT VERIFICATION OF THE INFORMATION SENT TO US BY YOU WAS SUBMITTED TO COUNTRY CONSULATE HERE IN NIGERIA FOR SCREENING AND VERIFICATION. WE RECEIVED A TELEGRAM STATING THAT ALL YOUR DATA SUBMITTED HAVE CONFIRMED CORRECT, (IT CORRESPONDED WITH WHAT WE HAVE ON RECORD FROM THE IMF, WE NEEDED MORE VERIFICATION TO PAYING THE WRONG BENEFICIARY).
CLICK ON THE WESTERN UNION LINK BELOW TO TRACK THE PAYMENT INFORMATION ONLINE FOR CONFIRMATION, HERE IS YOUR FIRST INSTALLMENT OF $5,000 DETAILS, YOU CAN AS WELL CHECK IT AVAILABILITY ON OUR WEBSITE (https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global) DUE TO THE WESTERN UNION POLICY, THE MAXIMUM TRANSFER WE CAN MAKE AT ONCE IS $5,000 PER TRANSACTION AND WE ALSO HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT THE TOTAL SUM OF $10,000($5,000 EACH) WAS PROGRAMMED IN YOUR FAVOR THIS MORNING WITH THE MTCN
PAYMENT INFORMATION BELOW:-
MTCN: 1158462502
Sender’s First Name: Earl
Sender’s Last Name: Amby
Receivers Name: TRENTWARD XAVIER SANDUSKY
Location: USA
Test Question: How much?
Test Answer: $5,000.00

PLEASE NOTE, THAT YOU CAN NOT PICK UP THE MONEY RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE OF THE CODE PLACE ON IT(STOP ORDER) BECAUSE THERE WAS NO INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE(IRF) FOR SWIFT TRANSFER AND DOCUMENTATION OF YOUR FUNDS AS ENSHRINED IN THE IMF POLICY, IT IS ONLY WHEN THE PROPER DOCUMENTATION (INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE) IS OBTAINED BY YOU THAT YOU WILL WALK INTO ANY WESTERN UNION OUTLET AROUND YOU AND PICK UP YOUR FIRST INSTALLMENT PAYMENT OF $10, 000 OF YOUR FUNDS, AND AFTERWARDS HAVE THE SECOND INSTALLMENT REMITTED TO YOU. YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO RECEIVE $10,000 DAILY UNTIL YOUR FUND OF $450,000,00. IS TRANSFERRED TO YOU THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER MEANS.
YOU HAVE HEREBY ADVISED TO PROCEED TO ANY WESTERN UNION OUTLET CLOSER TO YOU AND MAKE THE PAYMENT OF $255.00 TO THE RECEIVING OFFICER, WHICH WOULD BE USED TO PURCHASE YOUR INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE (IRF) WHICH WOULD AFFECT THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUNDS TO YOU VIA WESTERN UNION WITH THE INFORMATION ABOVE.

BELOW IS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION OF THE RECEIVING OFFICER YOU WILL USE FOR THE WESTERN UNION TRANSFER:-
Receivers name: EARL AMBY
Receivers location: London
Test question: Your code
Answer: 147

UPON RECEIPT OF THE $255, YOUR INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE (IRF) WILL BE PURCHASED AND A COPY SEND TO YOU FOR RECORDS AND THE IMF TO ENABLE YOUR FUNDS RELEASED TO YOU. YOU ARE TO SEND THE THIS OFFICE AND COPY TO THE RECEIVING OFFICER (THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION WHEN YOU ARE THROUGH WITH TRANSFER). THIS IS TO ENABLE THE RECEIVING OFFICER PICK UP THE MONEY TO PURCHASE YOUR INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE, AND UPLOAD YOUR DETAILS TO AFFECT A SWIFT RELEASE OF YOUR FUNDS TO YOU:-

GET BACK WITH THE FOLLOWING:-
Senders name:
Sender’s location:
Amount:
MTCN (control number):

MAKE SURE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT WITH THE INFORMATION GIVEN TO YOU ABOVE AND MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE ABOVE DETAILS OF THE PAYMENT TO THIS BANK AFTER MAKING PAYMENT VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER FOR THE PURCHASE OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE TO AFFECT THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUNDS.

NOTE, THAT YOUR FUNDS WILL BE TRANSFERRED BACK TO IMF HEADQUARTERS UNDER 72HOURS IF YOU DON'T MEET WITH OUR REQUIREMENT OF PROCUREMENT OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE FILE, AND CHARGES CAN NOT BE DEDUCTED FROM THE FUNDS, AS WE HAVE RULES AND REGULATIONS BINDING THIS TRANSFER AS DIRECTED BY INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUNDS AND SECONDLY, THERE IS AN INSURANCE BOND PLACE ON YOUR FUND WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO DEDUCT A CENT FROM YOUR FUND OF $450,000,00.E FOR ANYONE TO DEDUCT A CENT FROM YOUR FUND OF $450,000,00.

REMITTANCE MANAGER
MR. PATCHARIN THANAKORN
PHONE CONTACT: +66800728539
TOYOTA MOTORS CORPORATION LTD.
www.Toyota.co.th
(Co-ordinator on fund remittance and international Transfer).
* * * * *

Hello again, good Mister Patches!

I am very excited about this opportunity, but I have encountered a small problem. I have tried over and over again to send the $255 to our mutual friend Earl Amby for the release of my International Remittance File (or IRF, as we call them in the business) but the agent at the counter keeps insisting that they cannot accept funds in food stamps. For reasons I still do not fully understand, they refused to provide me with the MTCN number that I need to confirm the transfer. I fear I may be the victim of some sort of discrimination, because they looked at me kind of disgusted-like when I said that I needed to send the $255 dollars to Nigeria. Maybe they have dealt with Earl Amby before--he can be somewhat of a handful, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that. Anyway, do you think there is some sort of criminal action we can take against these folks who refused to send my funds? I really need to get that IRF so I can stack my paper, y'heard?
Also, this detail probably makes no difference, but I was not actually at a Western Union when I attempted to transfer the funds to Earl Amby. It was more of a Taco Bell. But I really don't see how that would matter.

Yours always,
Trent X Sandusky

Friday, January 11, 2013

Shitty Conservative Memes

Sometimes the shit pumped out by conservatives when they think they're being clever on the internet makes me so violently enraged that it's actually enjoyable to feel so much pure loathing washing through every cell of my being. Or maybe I just have a severe personality disorder.

Here's some memes I love to hate.

Paul Ryan meme - Girl, you must be an Obama entitlement program because you are definitely raising my interest rate.


Reasons this meme is fucking dumb:

1.) Obama actually didn't invent welfare. I know it was way too long ago to remember, but there were also like ten or twelve people in the world using food stamps and other "entitlements" during the Bush administration.

2.) It doesn't look like Paul Ryan is trying to pick up a woman; it looks like he's giggling at a brown person whose unemployment is about to run out and doesn't know how they're going to feed their children.

3.) "Interest rate" and "cock" don't even rhyme.


Ronald Reagan meme - This man didn't spend his entire first term blaming Jimmy Carter.


Reasons this meme is fucking horrible:

1.) Jimmy Carter didn't start an illegal war, sending Americans to their deaths for reasons that were never defined and making the rest of the world hate us.

2.) Jimmy Carter was not a barely-literate douchepuppet with a creepy ogre of a VP pulling his strings.

3.) George Bush does not care about black people.

Obama meme - "The rich don't pay their fair share." / Receives more taxpayer-funded perks than Royal Family.


Reasons this meme is fucking stupid:

1.) We don't have a royal family in this country. Assuming this is a reference to the British Royal Family, why the fuck would ANY American tax dollars go to "perks" for them?

2.) The royal family is a FUCKING ROYAL FAMILY. Royal families are typically FUCKING RICH. The President of the United States of America is a JOB, which is actually somewhat different than BEING A MEMBER OF A CERTAIN FAMILY... so if by "perks" you mean HIS FUCKING SALARY, then yes. 

*** BREAKING FUCKING NEWS: George Bush and Ronald Jizzragen ALSO RECEIVED MORE TAXPAYER-FUNDED PERKS THAN THE ROYAL FAMILY! ***

3.) What the fuck is up with the hibernating bear superimposed on his head?

Obama meme - "Members of Congress aren't doing their jobs" / Gives them a pay raise


Reasons this meme is fucking awful:

1.) The position of POTUS entails many duties. But Human Resources director for Congress is actually NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM. Obama has never "given" Congress a pay raise... if this is supposed to allude to the fact that Congress gave THEMSELVES a pay raise on Obama's watch, then guess what: EVERY FUCKING PRESIDENT EVER HAS "GIVEN" CONGRESS A PAY RAISE.

2.) Congress isn't fucking doing their jobs; do Conservatives suddenly disagree with this just because a black guy mentioned it now?

3.) What the fuck is up with the hibernating bear superimposed on his head?

Ron Paul - Whiny Bullshit Excuses Multi-Meme


Reasons this meme is fucking pathetic:

1.) Yeah, I get it, people on the internet think Ron Paul is awesome... but do you really think you're going to put him over .0001% of the popular vote by putting together a nine-panel super-meme of pouty reasons we should all feel ashamed of ourselves for not giving a shit about him? The best memes are hilarious in clever ways, sometimes subtle, sometimes offensive, but always with a sharp, zingy point. But this? This is a bunch of passive-aggressive pussy shit that just makes me feel embarrassed for whoever created (and subsequently jerked off to) it. If your meme can be described as long-winded, you're probably doing it wrong.

2.) Ron Paul makes a lot of good points when he does his gloom-and-doom act about the economy, but he's also a creepy old racist, homophobic fartknocker. Yeah, I said it. He's a fucking FARTKNOCKER. And he named his son after a character in a mediocre science fiction novel, which is almost as sad as the fact that there are a bunch of people who think that Ayn Rand was anything more than a mediocre science fiction author.

3.) Ron Paul is from Texas.

laugh out loud, winking face.