A Conspiracy of Zero - SAVE AMERICA - THIS MUST GO VIRAL

I'm not usually one for numerology. In fact, I generally take a very skeptical view of conspiracy theories of any kind.

But that was before I spent some time thinking about gun control. That was before the undeniable pattern emerged.

While I could go on for hours about this most disturbing revelation, it actually requires very little commentary. The facts speak for themselves.

Please consider the following...

1. The number of guns the Obama Administration has taken away from law-abiding citizens: ZERO
2. Visually, ZERO looks like a seed or an egg--something from which something new (i.e., a NEW WORLD ORDER) will spring forth.
3. The total number of words President Obama has added to, or removed from, the 2nd Amendment since taking office: ZERO
4. Mayan representations of ZERO allude to the extreme importance that culture gave to the non-number. The Mayan version of ZERO was a glyph known as the COSMIC SPIRAL. And, as far as I know, prophecies related to Mayan culture have never been wrong.
5. The total number of hunting scenarios and real-world self-defense situations that require the use of more than ten bullets at a time: ZERO
6. Common symbolic/spiritual interpretations of ZERO include nothingness, the void, and DEATH.
7. Obama was born on 8/4/1961. 4 into 8 equals one-half. 1 x 9 x 6 x 1 = 54. Half of 54 is 27. 27 x 0 = ZERO.

These undeniably-connected dots are troubling enough on their own. But it becomes even scarier when we consider why all of Obama's clues are pointing to ZERO.

Through a strange coincidence, ZERO is actually the year of Jesus Christ's birth! As such, it stands to reason that Obama is setting himself up as a Christ figure (or Antichrist?) by his many subtle connections to the number ZERO.

Please share this information before it's too late. I fear the end is close for me once they find out what I've discovered.

Shitty Conservative Memes

Sometimes the shit pumped out by conservatives when they think they're being clever on the internet makes me so violently enraged that it's actually enjoyable to feel so much pure loathing washing through every cell of my being. Or maybe I just have a severe personality disorder.

Here's some memes I love to hate.

Paul Ryan meme - Girl, you must be an Obama entitlement program because you are definitely raising my interest rate.

Reasons this meme is fucking dumb:

1.) Obama actually didn't invent welfare. I know it was way too long ago to remember, but there were also like ten or twelve people in the world using food stamps and other "entitlements" during the Bush administration.

2.) It doesn't look like Paul Ryan is trying to pick up a woman; it looks like he's giggling at a brown person whose unemployment is about to run out and doesn't know how they're going to feed their children.

3.) "Interest rate" and "cock" don't even rhyme.

Ronald Reagan meme - This man didn't spend his entire first term blaming Jimmy Carter.

Reasons this meme is fucking horrible:

1.) Jimmy Carter didn't start an illegal war, sending Americans to their deaths for reasons that were never defined and making the rest of the world hate us.

2.) Jimmy Carter was not a barely-literate douchepuppet with a creepy ogre of a VP pulling his strings.

3.) George Bush does not care about black people.

Obama meme - "The rich don't pay their fair share." / Receives more taxpayer-funded perks than Royal Family.

Reasons this meme is fucking stupid:

1.) We don't have a royal family in this country. Assuming this is a reference to the British Royal Family, why the fuck would ANY American tax dollars go to "perks" for them?

2.) The royal family is a FUCKING ROYAL FAMILY. Royal families are typically FUCKING RICH. The President of the United States of America is a JOB, which is actually somewhat different than BEING A MEMBER OF A CERTAIN FAMILY... so if by "perks" you mean HIS FUCKING SALARY, then yes. 

*** BREAKING FUCKING NEWS: George Bush and Ronald Jizzragen ALSO RECEIVED MORE TAXPAYER-FUNDED PERKS THAN THE ROYAL FAMILY! ***

3.) What the fuck is up with the hibernating bear superimposed on his head?

Obama meme - "Members of Congress aren't doing their jobs" / Gives them a pay raise

Reasons this meme is fucking awful:

1.) The position of POTUS entails many duties. But Human Resources director for Congress is actually NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM. Obama has never "given" Congress a pay raise... if this is supposed to allude to the fact that Congress gave THEMSELVES a pay raise on Obama's watch, then guess what: EVERY FUCKING PRESIDENT EVER HAS "GIVEN" CONGRESS A PAY RAISE.

2.) Congress isn't fucking doing their jobs; do Conservatives suddenly disagree with this just because a black guy mentioned it now?

3.) What the fuck is up with the hibernating bear superimposed on his head?

Ron Paul - Whiny Bullshit Excuses Multi-Meme

Reasons this meme is fucking pathetic:

1.) Yeah, I get it, people on the internet think Ron Paul is awesome... but do you really think you're going to put him over .0001% of the popular vote by putting together a nine-panel super-meme of pouty reasons we should all feel ashamed of ourselves for not giving a shit about him? The best memes are hilarious in clever ways, sometimes subtle, sometimes offensive, but always with a sharp, zingy point. But this? This is a bunch of passive-aggressive pussy shit that just makes me feel embarrassed for whoever created (and subsequently jerked off to) it. If your meme can be described as long-winded, you're probably doing it wrong.

2.) Ron Paul makes a lot of good points when he does his gloom-and-doom act about the economy, but he's also a creepy old racist, homophobic fartknocker. Yeah, I said it. He's a fucking FARTKNOCKER. And he named his son after a character in a mediocre science fiction novel, which is almost as sad as the fact that there are a bunch of people who think that Ayn Rand was anything more than a mediocre science fiction author.

3.) Ron Paul is from Texas.

laugh out loud, winking face.

Witty Republicans: Let's Go Buy Steak, Shrimp and Beer with Our Food Stamps - Obama eCard

Here is a SUPER HILARIOUS eCard that's been floating around since President Obama's re-election...

And here are some reasons it doesn't make any fucking sense...

1.) A cut of beef can feed a family for several days if used smartly. So if you see somebody buying a cut of beef (i.e., steak) using food assistance benefits and you decide that you need to make a clever comment about it, you're probably a peice of shit. If you decide you need to post a witty eCard about it, you're a peice of shit and a total pussy.

2.) Shrimp really isn't that expensive. You can get a pound of shrimp for around five dollars at Wal-Mart and comparable stores in most areas. This is not much different than the price of beef or other land-meats. The viewpoint that poor people should not be allowed to eat anything that comes out of the ocean has no basis in logic.

3.) You can't buy alcohol with food assistance benefits. I'm pretty sure this is true in every state.

Since this eCard sucks so bad, I decided to make a better and more accurate one...

You're welcome.