Terrible Right-Wing Political Cartoons: Entering the Right-Wing Mind Through Comics

Today, we travel into the core of the modern "conservative" (read, "bat-shit crazytarded") mindset using comics!

So sit back and enjoy trying to wrap your mind around some of the crazy-ass shit that half of our country actually believes--in whimsical cartoon form!

Note: I don't own the rights to any of these comics. I use them here for educational purposes... or something.

Let's start with an entry in the classic "being gay is a choice and/or evil" category... a right-wing talking point that was totally under-represented in the arena of political cartoons... until now!

 

I don't know what this one even means, but it's provocative! The dog is apparently a liberal and is making a point about something, but I think maybe it's done sarcastically? I'm not sure; it would be easier to figure out if it made any fucking sense.

 

Wait, what?! Does Mickey Mouse hate gay people, or is he just offended to the point of violence by the other character's over-the-top stereotypical lisp? Either way, talk about a total cream puff inhaler...

Ohhh, come on... besides, why would the illegitimate love child of President Obama and the Allstate voiceover guy care about a "WHITE HOUSE" sign at the North Pole?

Hahaha! GET IT, A MOUSE!!! Obama is LITERALLY GIVING TAXPAYER MONEY TO MICE!!! These right-wing cartoonists are just too much!!!

 

I must have missed this when it was on TV. But I'm sure it actually happened, otherwise why would a conservative draw it as an unattractive cartoon and post it on the internet?

 

 

Oh, what? Now we're gonna let androgynous bunnies wear skirts to high school and hang out with robots?!?! THAT'S IT, I'M DONE LIVING IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD *EATS A BUNCH OF POISON AND DIES*

 

*COMES BACK TO LIFE FOR A LITTLE WHILE* Here's a bonus link for making it to the end of the article (which means you obviously enjoy your crazy.) Snappy Comebacks for "Feminist Misinformation" from the good folks at MAN, WOMAN & MYTH.

 

Layoff Bomb = Domestic Economic Terrorism

Let's be completely clear about one thing. Any companies cutting jobs as a direct reaction to President Obama's re-election are engaging in ECONOMIC TERRORISM and should be boycotted.

Wait, what is a LAYOFF BOMB? Read this first: Post-Election Layoff Bomb Takes GOP Political Maneuvering to Treasonous New Lows

They say they can't afford Obamacare. This is a lie. The numbers have been run. Obamacare might cost the largest companies around 2% more per employee at most. (Small businesses will actually see about a 1.5% decrease in health coverage costs.)

On almost every internet story about the layoff bomb, you will see comments left by a "small business owner" who says that he has read the bill, and that he simply can't afford to keep his workers around in a post-Obamacare world. Do not be fooled. This is, at best, a transparent attempt at political agitation. At worst, it's some of the richest, most powerful people in this country continuing to engage in a shadowy campaign of scare tactics and lies to make the American people afraid and ashamed of the president they chose.

In a perfect world, the CEOs behind the layoff bomb movement would all be hanged for treason. In the real world, the least we can do is stop buying their shit. Any company that demonstrates such a total lack of commitment to the American workforce as to be willing to use American livelihoods as pawns for an overdramatic political statement deserves no consumer commitment from any of us.

21st Century Republicans: The Murder Party

At the top of the long list of why Republicans suck worse than they ever have is the fact that they think rape is awesome. Leading up to the 2012 elections, GOP Senate candidate Richard Mourdock said that pregnancies resulting from rape are “a gift from God.”

 

Tea Party creep Todd Akin took it a step further, explaining that in cases of legitimate rape, a woman's body has a way of magically identifying the fetus as a rapebaby and “shutting the whole thing down.” The problem with that explanation, of course, is that it is rooted in a controversial new field of medical study known as “made up shit with no basis in real science.”

 

But let's go back to rape being a gift from God. The general idea here is that everything that happens to anybody is “meant” to happen, no matter how awful it is. Whether you're religious or not, it's important to note that no actual Christian believes this insane shit.

 

The idea of rape being part of God's plan directly contradicts a fundamental Judeo-Christian concept: God gives everyone free will. This includes criminals, who will sometimes choose to use their free will to do horrible shit that God is not into. So the normal Christian view of how something as horrible as rape is possible in a universe where a benevolent God exists is simple: God gives a rapist the same free will that we all enjoy; it doesn't mean that He mandated for a rape to happen.

 

But let's pretend all Christians are this insane, or that Richard Mourdock's special link to his rapegod allows him to know things the rest of us don't. His viewpoint would, by default, also make him pro-murder.

 

Murder is the only crime comparable to rape in its heinousness and its ability to completely destroy a human being. Many people would argue that rape is worse than murder, as it leaves its victims mercilessly alive to try to process the horrors done to them. So if Republicans really believe that rape is a gift from God, they cannot logically turn around and say that murder is not also a gift.

 

Served.

 

Of course, this may all be a moot point. We're only talking about cases of legitimate murder here, and from what I understand, that's really rare. In cases of legitimate murder, the human body has a way of trying to shut that whole thing down. Namely, by dying.
 

Witty Republicans: Let's Go Buy Steak, Shrimp and Beer with Our Food Stamps - Obama eCard

Here is a SUPER HILARIOUS eCard that's been floating around since President Obama's re-election...

And here are some reasons it doesn't make any fucking sense...

1.) A cut of beef can feed a family for several days if used smartly. So if you see somebody buying a cut of beef (i.e., steak) using food assistance benefits and you decide that you need to make a clever comment about it, you're probably a peice of shit. If you decide you need to post a witty eCard about it, you're a peice of shit and a total pussy.

2.) Shrimp really isn't that expensive. You can get a pound of shrimp for around five dollars at Wal-Mart and comparable stores in most areas. This is not much different than the price of beef or other land-meats. The viewpoint that poor people should not be allowed to eat anything that comes out of the ocean has no basis in logic.

3.) You can't buy alcohol with food assistance benefits. I'm pretty sure this is true in every state.

Since this eCard sucks so bad, I decided to make a better and more accurate one...

You're welcome.